


Ron Bashing

by AnonymousLove7424



Series: My version of Harry Potter [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AUs, Ableist Language, Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Am I original?, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Asexuality Spectrum, Attempt at Humor, BTW, Biphobia, Biracial Harry Potter, Bisexuality, Black Hermione Granger, Boys In Love, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Dorks in Love, Draco redemption?, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Gen, Harry Potter & Ron Weasley Friendship, Harry Potter is a Good Friend, Harry is trying to help, Harry likes musicals, Hearing Voices, Hermione Granger is a Good Friend, Hermione is trying to help, I will bash Ron bashing, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of ASMR, Misunderstandings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Personally changes that makes sense if you read other fanfic, Potter Puppet Pals, Ron Weasley is a Good Friend, Ron Weasley likes to write and draw, Ron Weasley needs a Hug, Ron Weasley-centric, Ron and Harry are dorks inlove, Ron reacts to Ron bashing, Ron reacts to alternate universes, Schizophrenia, Self-Esteem Issues, Severus Snape Bashing, Shit that escalated quickly moments, Since it is through Ron's perspective and he doesn't like either of them, Smart but in denial Ron Weasley, Suicidal Thoughts, This is a parallel universe to my other fanfic, Vomiting, bookworms, dark characters, puns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2019-08-05 13:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16368746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousLove7424/pseuds/AnonymousLove7424
Summary: Throughout Ron Weasley's entire life, he heard whispers.(Parallel universe to Ron and Harry conversations.)





	1. Introduction

Throughout Ron Weasley's entire life, he heard whispers. They were not loud enough to understand but they were loud enough to be heard.

When he was younger he didn't really think it was a big deal. Voices we're one thing, but it was whispers! How bad could that possibly be?

I mean, he had some odd beliefs and had a hard time with focusing but he wasn't crazy. All kids are like that. Plus being a wizard probably had something to do with it.

Ron just ignored them. The whispers were not affecting his life much and he quite frankly, found it silly to tell his family. They would not be interested in such a dumb thing. Mum would probably tell him he was being ridiculous, Dad would tell him it wasn't anything bad, Percy would roll his eyes, and God forbid if the twins knew about it. It was whispers. Ron just assumed it would pass when he entered Hogwarts but he was wrong. 

The whispers sometimes said a occasionally sentence or a word after the troll incident, but it was his guilt, he convinced himself. Nothing more. He was not crazy. Just felt guilty.

Than after the fight with the Basilisk, the whispers we're louder and started becoming sentences. He convinced himself that it was worry over his sister. He entertained the theory that he was a parselmouth like Harry, but he could not understand snakes when he was around them. It was just worry over Ginny, he told himself. They were quite close when they were younger. It would be only natural that he was worried. He was not crazy. Just worried.

Than it was third year. This is when he started to see things that nobody else saw.


	2. Just stress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron hears a few voices talking about him.

"My favorite character was actually Ron."

Ron looked up from his Transfigurations essay. Who said that? And what did they mean by character?

"Why?" The voice was definitely a female. None of the females in the room appear to be talking though. Actually, nobody was. They were being quiet for once and working quietly. Nobody was even reacting to the talking. Harry, whom Ron assumed also would hear them, was not even phased. So who was-

"He's SO ugly and stupid." He felt his heart stop for a second. Who is saying this about him? He felt himself turn red and his hand shook as he picked the quill back up. Ron tried to breath evenly as he tried to get back to his essay. It's probably just some dumb Slytherin trying to get on his nerves. He wasn't going to give them satisfaction by getting upset.

"Well maybe in the movies. Have you read the books?" The second girl's voice had an accent. Like an accent you would hear in the states. Nobody here was from the states. Who the hell was talking about him? And what did she mean by movies and books? Last time he checked, he wasn't a fictional character. Or was he? He shook the thought away. That was just going to give him an existential crisis and he didn't need the nonsense in the middle of a Transfigurations class.

"No I read the books like 7 times. I just really hate Ron." The comment stung him more than it should have. And again what books?

"Why though? Why is he dumb and ugly?" Who is this girl with that accent that's defending him? Ron started to look around again. The voices came from different parts of the room. He could not locate an exact point where they came from. Was a Slytherin pulling a prank on him?

He sighed in defeat and looked in front of him to see- he blinked. Wasn't Draco and Goyle sitting in front of them? Two girls were sitting in desks across from each other in front of him. They both wore glasses. One wore a hoodie and had purple hair while the other was a pimply brown-haired girl with a pink jacket on. 

"Because he-"

"Mr. Weasley!"

He quickly looked up to see Professor McGonagall glaring down at him. Looking around the room, he noticed everyone was either staring at him curiously or making fun of him. He looked back in front of him. The girls were no longer there. It was just Little Shit and Goblin. He felt a little bit of his social anxiety kick in as he tried to focus his attention on his Head Teacher.

"Y-yes, ma'am?"

"Would you like to share what you were mumbling to the class?"

He was mumbling? He felt himself turn red and Draco in front of him was giggling like the little bitch he was/is but stopped when McGonagall started glaring at him too.

"No ma'am..." 

"I suggest you get to work then."

He nodded. Harry was giving him a worried look and whispered,"I was t-trying to tell you that you were mumbling b-but...."

Ron stopped him. He knew that Harry hated his nervous stutter so Ron agreed to stop him when he does it in public. He gave Harry an apologetic look before returning to his essay. 

This......this was just from stress. Yeah. Stress. It makes you hallucinate sometimes, right? Just stress. 

Just stress.

Like every other year. 

He wasn't crazy.


	3. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron hears whispers and sees something horrific in the bathroom.

Ron has gotten use to ignoring the whispers.

The odd hallucination he had in Transfiguration was embarrassing and he was not looking forward to another incident like that any time soon. 

So he tried ignoring them. It would pass over soon, he thought. It was probably just anxiety or something. 

Ignoring them though, were proven to be hard to do. He would often get distracted by them, much to the annoyance from many of his teachers and friends. He was apologetic but never really told anyone what was distracting him so much. He sounded insane. He wasn't crazy, just anxious about life he guessed, and it sounded worse than it actually was. So he didn't excuse it. He accepted the detentions he got and nobody questioned it.

He tried to ignore them.

"Honestly, how does he even contribute to anything?"

It was proven to be really hard.

"Loser." 

They never stopped.

"They're staring at you Ron. God why can't you be normal?"

They are so mean to him.

"Fatass."

They knew what exactly hurt him.

"What a waste of space."

They were not ly-

"Ron?" Ron's attention snapped back to Harry. They were sitting on the floor. Ron just got back from his detention from Snape. Harry was ranting about something he was deeply passionate about-he saw it in his expression- and Ron was not paying attention.

"Because you are such a terrible excuse of a friend."

"Um, sorry.... I-um. Yeah, you were saying?" Ron asked, embarrassed he had no clue what Harry just said.

Harry gave him a concerned look. "Are you okay?" 

Ron felt himself start to sweat and became red at the discovery he was sweating. God, why is he so weird?

"I'm fine." He said to his friend. Harry didn't look convinced. "There's been a lot on mind."

"Like what?" Harry asked.

"Um p-personal stuff. I don't know. Just stuff." Harry had enough to worry about. He doesn't need any of Ron's problems on top of all the usual shit.

"Is it about that mumbling thing in Transfiguration?" Harry asked.

Ron was still getting teased by a few Slytherin fuckboys for that incident.

"Yeah. No. Um , kind of. Sorry. I don't want to talk about it." Ron gave him a look that pleaded not to question him. 

"Oh okay. I get it." Then Harry awkwardly but sincerely added, "I-i am here if you need to talk."

Ron nodded and watched as Harry went into his rant about why Draco was literally garbage. Ron watched Harry's body language mostly. Harry was a very animated talker when he started to get keyed up. He used wild hand gestures and even starts to pace so he can think of new things to say. Harry would get passionate over literally anything and was always fun to listen to because of it. His voice was always pleasant, despite the stuttering he had when he was particularly emotional about something. He was almost childlike and adorable in his giddiness and was charismatic enough to pull you in. Even when you had no idea what he was talking about. God, he was so attractive and- 

"Faggot."

His breathing stopped for a second. That....was a new one. 

"Ugly poof."

He suddenly could not breathe.

"Well I mean, he was always a pervert."

What's wrong with him? None of these are particularly clever insults. Yet it was still upsetting him?

"Harry would never want to be with you."

He felt dizzy all of a sudden.

"Are you ok?" Ron jumped when Harry asked this. Harry looked concerned again. Shit.

"Yeah. I um need to uh go to the bathroom." Ron quickly went into the bathroom and ignored the look Harry was giving him when he left. Ron locked the door and sat down on the floor for a few seconds to try to return to normal breathing. 

The voices left him alone in those few seconds.

After calming down, he decided to leave. He had no idea what he would say to Harry when he got back, but it would be weird if he spent too much time in the bathroom. 'Just breathe,' he thought to himself. 'Breathe.' 

Just as he got up to open the door, he heard a loud thud behind him. Dread filled his stomach as he slowly turned around.

Hermione was there? Only she was white, bloody, had bruises all over her face, her clothes were torn, and was she crying. 

He felt panic spread throughout his entire body as he quickly went to her side. 

"Hermione? What happened?" Hermione coughed a few times and looked at him. 

"Who did this to you?" He probably said that too harshly, as she flinched at the words. Hermione said nothing. 

Ron grabbed a towel and put it to her head, where the blood seemed to come from. Warm blood oozed on his hands. Fear and anger took control of his body. Who would possibly do this to her? Is she going to die? 

Thousands of thoughts swirled in his head and the voices didn't help. 

"Your fault."

"Dumbass."

"You can not even protect her."

Those plus the homophobic voices from before overlapped, which was just a nasty combination. 

Hermione started coughing again, but this time was more violent. Ron tried to pick her up and take her to Pomfrey, but he could not pick up her body. It was like she was glued to the floor. Tears started welling in his eyes. What could he do in this situation? Millions of ideas came to his head but he had no idea what to do.

Hermione looked at him and said this, " I'm a n-nightmare, eh? N-no wonder I-I have n-no fr-friends." Ron thought his heart stopped when Hermione's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she became perfectly still.

"No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no" His best friend. His smart and beautiful best friend was dead. Because she was a little annoying? Tears started falling out of his eyes.

"It's your fault."

"You made her cry."

"Asshole."

"You killed her."

"Murderer."

Ron tried to call out for help but all that came out of his mouth were sobs. If he wasn't so mean to her she would still be alive. Blood was still oozing out of her head and it made him feel sick. He was a monster. It was all- 

Than out of nowhere, Hermione turned to dust and disappeared.

Wait, what? 

It was like there was no trace of her anywhere in the bathroom.The towel wasn't bloody either! 

That was real though. That had to have been real. He's not crazy. He felt blood, warm blood, on his hands. That traumatic experience had to have been real.

It must have been a really mean joke. Yeah, and that's why the colour of her skin was off. The colour most of been hard to replicate.

He washed his hands, wiped his eyes, and mentally prepared to face Harry. He opened the door and Harry was still looking concerned. 

"I'm fine. I just needed to, um, think. Say, did you hear that thud earlier?" Harry shook his head and Ron felt...... afraid?.....Relieved? It was a weird feeling that he could not quite place.

"Are you SURE you are okay?"

"Y-"

Suddenly Seamus, Dean, and Neville came into the room. 

"Dean, that is a foot fetish."

"Just because I like feet massages? "

"You got a boner!"

"It was a nice foot massage." 

Neville came in blushing madly at the weird conversation Dean and Seamus were having and went straight to bed. Ron and Harry laughed at Seamus's and Dean's argument as they got ready for bed as well. 

Ron tried to forget what he saw in he bathroom as Harry got curled up next to him. (They often slept in the same bed because Harry had nightmares that only Ron could help him with.) Ron was not successful and still kept seeing the image over and over again. He could not sleep.

"Ron? I heard you crying in there." Harry whispered to him an hour or two later. Harry was up too it seemed.

Ron was not sure what to say. "Uh...."

"What happened?" Ron could not see Harry's expression but he knew exactly what his expression was.

"A spider fell on my face. I fell over, that's why I asked about the,uh, thud noise. It was embarrassing and I uh froze up and just yeah. Just a spider." He lied and instantly knew it sounded dumb. 

"You were upset before you went into the bathroom." Harry bought that?

"I uh was thinking about Draco. He's such a git sometimes." Harry chuckled. 

"Yeah he sure is." His tone became softer as he said, "Don't take Malfoy's words to heart. He is just a spoilt racist prat. Don't let his petty ass make you feel bad. Also, for the record, you can talk to me about this stuff. Trust me, I am not one to judge." 

Ron felt guilty about lying to Harry, but if he tried telling Harry what happened than he would probably tell him to stop being so overdramatic. 

It was just a really mean prank. 

"Ok. I will." Ron reassured and Harry must've feel asleep after that because he said nothing else.

"Ronald Weasley is a liar."

He closed his eyes, hoping the whispers stopped, and the images of fake-white Hermione would stop frightening him long enough for him to go to bed. 

After all, the whispers would probably stop soon and the fake-white Hermione was just a cruel prank.

He was just being overdramatic.


	4. What was it then?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron is having a rough time with the "prank."
> 
> (Babydolls9498 shown me an.... interesting fanfic called "101 Ways To Kill Ron Weasley." You can expect more references from this story in later chapters.)

Ron did not get any sleep that night. Or the next night. Or the next night after that.

Someone was out to get him, it seemed. Someone who did such an evil prank on him should be punched in the nose but who could have done it? 

Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs generally get along with Gryffindors so it could not have been them. Slytherins seemed like a good candidate for a cruel prank like that but there was only like ten Slytherins who are actually assholes. The rest were usually pretty quiet or disgusted by Malfoy and co. Slytherins are (as Harry would call them) the Aaron Burr of the houses. Talk less, smile more. Slytherins, except for the Malfoy, don't want to ruin any ambition they have with a bad reputation. This prank could have potentially put them in Azkaban. They would not risk their ambitions for a sadistic laugh. Well Draco would. But that's him. 

Nobody in Gryffindor would find that funny. The twins went too far sometimes but they were never malicious or sadistic. It was dumb fun that could sometimes go wrong if they were being careless or didn't fully understand what they were doing.

There was a problem though when he tried to figure out who did it. Only three people knew the truth about the troll incident. Everyone else was blissfully unaware the event even happened. Draco would have relentlessly teased them if there was any rumor about it.

Harry was not cruel, Hermione would not find that funny, and Ron could not think of a reason why either of them would ever do that to him. Especially Harry, who knew how guilty he sometimes still felt over the troll incident. 

Plus, he looked through every book he could find. He could not find a spell that was anything remotely like that. Hermione is a short, black girl with big curly brown hair and two big front teeth. She wasn't a white girl with a ponytail and normal teeth. But it was Hermione. He didn't know how he knew. He just did. Maybe he imagined it? No he could not have. It was real. It had to have been.

Hermione isn't dead but what happened was real. So, even if he had no idea who did it, it had to have been a prank.

Ron walked in a daze for the next few days. He answered people, did his homework, etc. But he was never there. He felt numb, and he just kept thinking about the prank.

The whispers were as supportive as ever.

"What a douchebag."

"Arrogant prick."

"Lazy fucker."

Ignoring them was hard.

He started having problems with eating too. Well he always had issues with it. He sometimes got anxious over whether he would be able to eat again after that particular meal that day so he made sure to eat everything he could. He wasn't sure why. He wasn't rich and he had a lot of siblings, but he did get fed. He always did. Even in the years where money problems were worse for his family, he was still given food. Ron still worried about food though. He shouldn't in Hogwarts since they make so much food but he was. Mostly out of habit, he supposed. Maybe he should be a bit more polite when he ate but it's not his fault people kept trying to talk to him when his mouth was full. Seriously Hermione, he just put the spoon in his mouth. 

On the day where his eating problems were worsened, an odd event happened.

He looked up from his tray to see an exact replica of himself eating like a disgusting pig. (Was that how people saw his eating habits?) Before he could ask who this pseudo-Ron was or ask Harry if he saw this guy too, he started choking. Ron quickly got up from his table and started scanning the room for Percy. He learned how to do something muggles call CPR in case he ever got in a situation where he can't use magic to help someone choking. ("Best to be prepared," he said to them.)

Harry looked up at him curiously. " Um why'd you get up?"

Pseudo-Ron turned purple and fell face first into his food with a loud thud. 

Nobody seemed to notice it happening.

Ron was still in a daze so he couldn't exactly feel everything he knew he should be feeling. He did feel it, the panic and horror over seeing himself choke, but it felt not as extreme as he thought he should feel them. If that makes sense...

Ron pointed at pseudo-Ron, too shocked to speak, but Harry gave him a questioning look. "Um.. what are you pointing at?" 

"Uh...I think a kid died." He felt himself start to shake. 

Harry jumped up from the table and looked at the area Ron pointed at. After a few seconds Harry looked at Ron with a half-amused, half-unimpressed look. "Haha. Very funny Ron."

Ron had looked back at the spot where the pseudo-Ron was but it seemed like he vanished. He blinked a few times. 

There was definitely a guy there.......

Ron let out a chuckle so that he would not seem crazy. He was not pranking him though. A kid who looked exactly like him choke to death. He could not stop shaking.

Harry and Ron sat back down and they chatted about nothing in particular. Ron's thoughts were elsewhere though.

He was too scared to eat more than a few bites now. Ron didn't want to choke to death.

Ron had no idea what any of it meant.

He could not go to anyone because he was scared of being told he wass crazy or overdramatic. 

Ron doesn't know what to do.


	5. Can't quite place the feeling....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron feels like he's doing something wrong.

Do you know that feeling you get when you're reading a book and you loose the page, but you are too lazy to look for it again so you just read a random page because "it's close enough"? You feel very confused, and it's hard to pay attention because you have no idea what is going on.

That's how Ron felt. He could not figure out what exactly was happening to him. The weird shit that kept happening, the time, the whispers....... everything was confusing.

He knew he was in school. He knew that Malfoy was being a bloody drama queen. He knew Harry had that thing in divination where the professor told him he was going to die. But the days seemed to blur. 

It got to the point where he could not remember what he learned in his classes.

"Wait, you don't remember that boggart lesson we had in DADA?!? " Neville looked...concerned.

"Um....no? Wait, it's our biggest fears right? So uh what was mine?" Ron tried to remember it but couldn't. The memory was too fuzzy. He thought it might be a spider but he wasn't sure.

"At first it was a giant spider and then it was a mind healer which turned into a man wanting to make a movie about Harry's life. It was like your boggart could not decide what it wanted to be." Ron cocked his head to the side. Why would a mind healer and a film maker be a part of his biggest fear? He asked Harry about it (whom did not question his third fear at all for some reason) and apparently his boggart was a big thing for several days. How can a person forget that happening to them? The boggart itself sounded......wrong. Like a badly written fanfiction throwing it on him last minute to seem interesting. 

He also felt....wrong. Like he was not really Ron. That he was supposed to be doing something important but couldn't for some reason. Like a badly written fanfiction ignoring what happened in the books' actual plot and just writing whatever. 

Where the bloody hell did these fanfiction similes come from?

He groaned and fell face down on his bed. Ron was so confused.


	6. Playing Along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two Harrys and one delivers an odd note.

There were two Harrys. 

Ron had no idea how it happened. One minute they were talking about Quidditch in their dorm, and the next there was a second Harry sitting across from the two. Harry chatted away, oblivious to his double.

His double was a white version of Harry with sunglasses, a cane, and Slytherin colors.

"Uh............" His normal Harry left the room to use the bathroom and he was left alone with this..... Blind Slytherin Harry. 

This must be the same people who did that prank on him a while ago, he thought as he glared at this Slytherin Blind Harry.

A billion questions raced through his head.

"Uh, who are y-"

"Save it Weasley. I don't want to hear it today." Ron jumped at the harsh tone he took with him, but he quickly remembered it wasn't Harry and stared at the phony intensely.

"Why are you-"

"I know I'm a disabled freak, ok? That I was supposed to be in Gryffindor and that I should not be dating Draco, but I am and deserve to be beaten up every opportunity you get. I know I'm a 'traitor' and a fag and yada yada. Look, I have to deliver a letter to you, so please let me be civil about it. "

Ron stared at this Harry in utter disbelief. There was so much... wrong in that statement. He was disgusted-offended actually- that this Harry would accuse him of being such an awful person.

"Look Harry, I don't know who you think I am but I would never- I don't care what house you are in! I would never call you a traitor for being in another house other than Gryffindor. Honestly, you do belong in Slytherin! I would still be your friend! Even if you dated a piece of shit like Draco! Even if you were blind! Even if you were in Slytherin! And don't you ever think I'd call you a fag either! If I heard anyone call you that, I would kill them no questions asked! I almost died every year for you! I'm NEVER going to do that shit to you!" Ron knew he was being loud but he didn't care. He needed to get his point across.

Harry didn't answer. Instead he pushes up his sunglasses, walked over to him, and handed him a piece of paper from inside his pocket. 

"You're a liar." Harry accused, leaning close enough to almost trigger Ron's ASMR. Anger boiled in his blood but before he could say anything back....he disappeared. Ron blinked several times before realizing......he was fake. That wasn't....Harry.

He felt slightly embarrassed. It only took him a couple of seconds to fall for it. He knew it was not Harry....why did.....

Ron shook his head and looked down at the paper in his hands. It must have been real because the paper is real, he reasoned. Maybe the letter will explain? Pseudo-Harry said this was a letter. 

He started to read it.

This is what the letter read:

"Ron, it's ok. I'm from another universe that observes your universe, because you are from a book/movie. Sadly, you are not the original Ron, that goes to Ron 0000001. You are in a fan fiction, and what we call a " fourth-wall breaker", someone who is aware of us outside observers to some extent. I'm here to help you, you can call me Eres (the self-insert OC that I use for every fandom)."

He head his breath for a second before letting out a breathy laugh. This Eres person must be the one..... Ron shook his head. Play along. When the twins pranked him, he learned that playing along would make the prank less awful. He quickly grabbed a quill and started to write on the back of it.

He wrote this: 

"So Eres, what is the difference between Ron 0000001 and I?" 

A hand grabbed his note after he finished it. It was pseudo-Harry. He disappeared with it and Ron was left alone. 

"Ron's so weird." 

Almost alone. He was happier without the whispers but that's ok too.

'Ok..... maybe this is too elaborate to be a prank. Maybe I'm just going mad. No. I am not crazy. This is real. I'm real. I don't believe that letter. Well why am I shaking uncontrollably if that's the case? How did they do this? Who's doing this?' His thoughts were running a mile a minute while incoherent whispers were heard around him.

He laid gently in his bed and watched Harry, the real one, come out of the bathroom. 

"You ok Ron?" He asked when he saw the state Ron was in.

"He doesn't care about you. "

"Yeah. I just need to lay down for a bit." Harry gave him an empathetic look and told him to tell him if he needs anything. 

Harry grabbed a book and started to read it on his bed. Ron smiled at Harry and drifted off to sleep for the first time in days.


	7. Anorexic....?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry confronts Ron about his recent eating habits. (Warning: panic attack and eating disorders.) (Can anyone guess the all the fourth wall breaks in this chapter?)

Ron was not eating much. I mean, how could he? It's not just the choking pseudo-Ron that made him not eat. It was other ones who visited him. He watched in horror as a morbidly obese version of him had food fly out of his mouth and kept shoveling more and more food into it. It was a disgusting site...and smell? He never really smelled anything when one of these pseudo-Rons came to bother him. Was that what others saw when he ate around them?

He looked at the mirror in front of him, lifti g his robe to see his stomach. Ron didn't think he looked fat. But well.....

"Harry! You aren't getting fat!" Ron yelled at his friend. Harry jumped a little and sheepishly looked down. 

"I... I know. I just...worry about it sometimes. Sometimes, I see myself really fat and I don't know why. Because I remember being uh malnourished so how would I gain that much weight? I'm being stupid." 

Hermione looked up from her book and gave him an empathetic look. "That's a normal teenage feeling. Many teens our age may feel or see themselves as fat. The way our hormones move make us more bloated and we feel unbalanced. However it's also dangerous to think because an eating disorder may develop. I have a few books I could recommend about two of those topics if you need to learn more about it." Harry gave her a smile. 

Ron felt really bad as he looked at the memory. He wasn't very helpful was he?

"Yeah you're such an insensitive prick."

"Would you be that harsh to him if he did have an eating disorder?"

"He would. He's such a rude git."

Ron shakes his head and looked back at himself. 

Could he just be seeing himself as skinny when in reality he's obese? Maybe he needed to ask Hermione for those books. Harry read a few of them actually. So maybe he still had them?

"Ron, get out of the loo! Others need to use it too you know!" Ron blushed and exited the room, not meeting any of his dorm mates' eyes. 

He mumbled some apology as he exited the dorm to go to breakfast. 

Ron didn't eat anything when he was there during breakfast. He kept hearing whispers commenting on his size. 

"Fat pig."

"Hey Ron? You're not eating..." Harry commented with a concerned look.

"He's so disgusting."

"I'm fine. Just not hungry.." Ron said as he felt his stomach growl. Ugh, he was so hungry...

"No wonder nobody likes him."

"Well I-I mean you haven't been eating as much recently...." Harry said and then shoved a piece of egg in his mouth.

"Who'd possibly want such an obese slob?"

"I'm not hungry." Ron said again. Harry swallowed and gave him a hard look.

"Everyone hates being around him. He smells like shit."

"I find that hard to believe you haven't been hungry for an entire week-just rounding up since this may have been going on longer than I noticed. Why are you not eating?" Ron said nothing as he continued staring at the empty plate before him.

"Aren't all Weasleys smelly fat assess?"

"Ron?" Harry asked, his look softening.

Ron got up and storms away from the table. Harry followed him.

"Ron?" People turned to look at the two. 

He needed to get away. Away from the whispers. Away from Harry's concern. Away from people staring. Away from there. Ron almost reached the door but Harry got in front of it before he could go through it. Sometimes he forgot how much faster Harry was than him. 

"What was that?" Harry asked, his voice being a harsh whisper. His face was slightly flushed as he said this, most likely because of all the people staring at them. 

"I need to get out." Ron didn't know whether he needed to blow steam or have a panic attack. There was just pressure inside of him that needed to leave. He just needed to leave. 

"Not until you tell me what's wrong." Ron turned the other way but he knew all that waited him in the dining hall was weird looks and whispers commenting on his weight. 

"Ok. I need to get out though. Just. As soon as we get out I'll tell you. Just let me get out." Harry nodded in agreement, perhaps because of the staring getting on his nerves.

They exited the dining hall and went to the nearest empty classroom.

"Ok. Now what's going on?" Harry asked when they got there.

Ron felt unable to speak for a second. Should he be honest about his recent issues regarding the whispers? Or give him a half-truth? Maybe lie altogether? 

"I think I'm...." Ron paused trying to find the word. Crazy? No, not crazy.

"Go on," Harry said patiently.

"I'm fat." Ron said the words without really thinking.

This may have not been the best thing to say to someone who lived with obese people, had previous issues with weight, and had a intense love for his friends. 

Ron waited for the anger that he would have received for that statement but it didn't come.

"I...go on. " Harry looked sad at this statement instead.

"I'm just gross, you know. I eat like a slob, I smell awful, and.... I keep having anxiety about choking to death. And I'm just... disgusting." Ok, those weren't wrong statements so technically he wasn't lying. 

"You aren't even fat. You're a relatively normal weight. And you don't smell and you're hardcore not a slob." Harry said this calmly. It was not at all how Ron expected him to react Not a movie Dumbledore "calmly" in the slightest. Wait- 

There was a pause. Even though it was only a few seconds, it felt like hours to Ron.

"I....I still feel like. I feel like people are... judging me all the time. Commenting on how gross I am. I-" Ron looked down as he said this. He didn't want to confess to the other stuff just yet. Ron didn't want to seem crazy. Because he isn't crazy. 

"A little weird though." 

It's a combination of a lot of things like stress and anxiety but it's certainly not that. Not crazy. Maybe people are also messing with him. He hasn't got a response from Eres yet, so maybe they would know? They said shit that didn't make since like books and alternate universes. Maybe that BSH isn't too keen on delivering another message for them. Ron doesn't blame him since apparently he was a dick. But this must be an elaborate prank and BSH is a good actor. What if it wasn't? What if his entire life was a lie? No no. That's not it. Fuck that idea. Ron is a giant weirdo but that does not mean he's crazy. Crazy is You Know Who and Sirius Black and crazy is evil. And only dangerous people are crazy. Mentally ill is sick people and crazy is dangerous and he's not crazy or mentally ill because his life isn't traumatic and he' should stop being such a whiny stupid stupid STUPID STUPID STUPID-

"Ron. Breathe. Breathe. Focus on me. It's ok. Breathe in 4 seconds. Hold breath for 7. Exhale at 8. That's it. Hey, it's fine. It's fine. Let's do it again, ok? 4. 7. 8. Good. Just like that. Focus on me. It's okay. Everything is okay. Again. Breathe in 4. Hold breath at 7. Exhale at 8." Harry's voice was comforting, quiet, and it made Ron's ASMR kick in. A tingly sensation went through his entire body and he felt incredibly warm.

Ron felt calmer and realized his entire environment changed. They were back in the dorm. A blanket was loosely wrapped around him and both Harry and him were on his bed. 

"Are you ok now? Can you breathe okay?" Harry asked as he handed him a cup of something.

"Um....." Harry noticed his friend's confusion. 

"You started having a panic attack. I got us back here and a house elf came up with some tea after we haven't been to the last two classes." Harry explained. 

Ron's eyes widened. He..ok panic attack, sure. But that was like two hours of class they missed. How long was his panic attack? "How long was...?"

"A while." Harry rubbed his eyes. He looked stressed. "Long enough for a teacher to send a house elf to see if we were skipping because our dorm mates would of just lied if we were. I told him, the house elf, you were sick and he came back with tea. It was nice." 

Ron felt embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I...was being stupid and freaked out."

"It's fine. Happens to the best of us." Harry said and Ron sipped his tea. 

"You didn't need to skip class for me." Ron noticed the tea was a bit cold. The house elf must've forgot to put a heating spell on it. 

"It wasn't a big deal. You're more important to me." Ron felt his ears go red and Harry blushed, but didn't take back his statement.

"Thanks." Ron said with a smile as he sipped his tea again. Harry was so sweet. 

"N-no p-problem. You would ha-have done the s-same for m-me." Harry stuttered looking down at the bed with a smile. After a moment he looked up and asked, "Uh Ron? Do you... want to go to Madam Pomfrey?"

Ron's heart dropped to his stomach and his smile fell. "What?"

"I know you think it's not a problem but...I don't want you to die. Trust me, it's not fun being hungry and you not eating is going to kill you." Harry said this with worry laced in his voice.

Ron gaped at Harry. 

"I think you're anorexic, Ron. I'm not smart like Hermione-sorry I know you two aren't getting along right now but she did tell me quite a bit about this disorder-and I have no idea how to help you. You think you're fat, this morning you spent a long time in the bathroom, you are anxious about how others see your appearance- I mean. You did have a panic attack while telling me this. You always had anxiety about how people view you-I do too-but it's worse than it was before it looks like-" Ron interrupted him.

"No don't take me to Pomfrey! I'm fine! Please don't-" Ron desperately begged. 

"We need to get you help! You're not fine!" Harry said that and Ron felt his eyes water up. 

"No I can't. I can't. I'm not-"Embarrassingly tears fell out of his eyes and Harry's face softened. "I can't. I can't just. Please. Don't take me to Pomfrey. I can't. I don't want anyone to know. I'm being stupid. I'll stop. Please."

"I..I ok.I won't do that. Since you've been quiet about my....." Harry looked down at his wrists with regret. Ron was thankful his friend hasn't done that for a while. He found better coping mechanisms. 

"HOWEVER, we need to....find a way to help you." Ron nodded and wiped his eyes. That was reasonable, he thought. Harry picked up a random piece of paper and a quill from the desk. "We need a plan."

Ron watched as Harry scribbled some things on the paper. "Ok. So we can start by eating more in private so you don't get anxious about how others view you while you eat. Than we can build up to eating publicly after you gain some confidence. You might get sick from eating too much suddenly so we shouldn't get too much until you can stomach it. We should find you something to gain your confidence. Like a workout routine maybe? I know you like to draw and write so maybe you can use that as a venting tool?" 

"I'm sorry for bothering you." Harry looked up. "You have a lot going on right now. I should not be-" 

"You have done this for me. You are still doing this for me. You......are trying to get me out of the Dursleys after all." Ron felt disgust at the name and instantly wished Dumbledore would stop being a dense motherfucker and open up all those god damn letters he sent him about Harry's abusive "home". He contacted the ministry as well and they never replied either. It seems like Harry only matters when he's being a hero, huh? He sipped his tea. Assholes. "So it's not a bother to me."

Harry rolled up the paper and put it on the desk. "We can work on this later when I can find a anorexia self-help article. Do you think you can go back to class?"

"What's next class?" He asked. 

"Potions." Harry answered, displeased.

"I'll stay. You can go to Potions. I'll be fine." Ron said, not wanting to deal with that douchebag that day.

"Are you sure? I can stay if you want." Ron shaked his head but smiled. It was nice of him but he needed to be alone.

"I'll be okay. I will finish my tea and than I'll read for a bit. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me." Ron gave him a reassuring smile but Harry still looked worried. 

"Ok..but-" Ron interrupted.

"Snape will turn what you did around to make it look like you think you are too famous to attend his class. Just go. I'll be okay." Ron said. This convinced Harry. He nodded and grabbed his Potions book. 

"I'll check on you after class okay? I'll collect your work and bring you in some food." Ron thanked him and Harry left the dorm.  
Ron sipped his tea, set it gently on the table next to him, and laid down on the bed. 

This was an unexpected chapter. Ron shaked his head. Day was what he meant to say. Those were two different words and not close to each other at all. How did he mistake them? Ron sighed and wrapped the blanket closer to himself. 

The whispers came back but thankfully they weren't bugging him. He could not understand what they were saying, so they became comforting rather than annoying or creepy like usual. 

Ron closed his eyes. This isn't the end of the day however. There is more to come when he wakes up. Ron opened his eyes. He stared at the ceiling for a minute, confused on that thought he just had but shrugged it off and fell asleep.


	8. Author's note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Huh. It's 2019.

Hi guys.

Um. Ok. So I'm not quite sure how I should go about writing this story? 

See, I had this whole like thing planned but then a person in the comments started writing to Ron. That isn't a bad thing (Actually this is helpful with telling Ron what's up and introduced us to BSH in a better way than I originally planned.) but I had to rethink the storyline a bit. Do people even like the story? Nobody gave it a kudos in like 3 months or even commented as of this chapter.

Anyway, I'm not sure what fanfiction tropes to reference or what I need to write next. 

Would it be an annoyance to the audience if I keep mentioning Eres? Because I like the idea of someone writing to Ron about all of this.

I will probably need your help guys. I am having a lot of writer's block with this story because I have so much I want to happen to Ron before.....spoilers. So can anyone give me some fanfictions to reference? Thanks in advance.

Anyway I will try to write a chapter sometime tomorrow or later this afternoon. Expect Eres, BSH, and another fun surprise guest to come next chapter.

Anyway I'm off to school. Bye!


	9. Confusing dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron has a confusing dream.

Ron awoke in a dark, empty void. Everything around him doesn't look familiar at all. When his groggy mind finally remembered where he originally fell asleep at, he felt panicked. Where was he?

"Uh....hello?" He anxiously ran his fingers through his hair and stood up. "Hello?"

He heard a faint whisper but as far as Ron knew, he was alone. 

"Don't trust him......" It said. 

"Trust who?" He asked, unsure of what to make of any of this. 

The whispering voice didn't answer back. 

Another voice came from behind him saying, "He's using you. He'll steal your money." Ron quickly turned around and saw that no one was there. 

What in the actual-

"He never loved you." There was a figure in front of him now. Horror went through his entire body. He tried to scream but no sound came out. It couldn't be-

 

Ron woke up. 

"What the fuck was that?" Ron said loudly, making BSH and his new guest jump a bit.


	10. A confusing long day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey. What's up? Its been a minute. Sorry. This took so long to write. Ron gets another letter from Eres, meets BSH's guest, and even more in this disgustingly long chapter that took 4 days to write. (Warning: vomiting, panic attack, eating disorders mentioned)

Ron looked at BSH and his guest sleepily before blinking his tiredness away. The dream faded slowly from his memory as his eyes adjusted to the light.

"Wow. Harry, why didn't you tell me this Ron was a nutcase?" Ron squinted at the figure to see the one and only......wait. What the hell was Draco Malfoy doing here? He looked...he was really hot? He didn't look like a rat. His eyes were blue instead of grey and he was almost as tall as Ron.

"It'd ruin the surprise, love." BSH cooed lovingly grabbing both of Hot Draco's hands. Ron titled his head at two. When BSH stood on his toes to kiss him lightly on the lips, a mix of disgust, jealousy, and anger went through him, but he also felt very proud. He looked so happy with him, and he found that he really could not object to it. As long as Harry was happy and it was healthy...

Ron would never admit this out loud but he kind of shipped Draco and Harry, dubbing it Drarry in his journal under the bed. Ever since Neville came clean about the betting pools and The Great Ship Wars of 2016 last year, he been thinking about how personalities could easily be modified to change entire relationships with people. Maybe it's just his inner-fanfiction/book writer talking but he found it really fun. /p>

If Hermione wasn't so bossy in first year, they would have already been friends. If Neville wasn't as talkative when nervous, he would not been as close to the other dorm mates. If Dean was more into music than art, Harry would be a closer friend to him. If Harry was treated nicer by the Dursleys, he might have been able to get in Hufflepuff. If Draco legitimately tried to be a good person and tried really hard to redeem himself, Ron could see a very slim possibility of forgiving him for all the insensitive garbage he has been spewing since day one. (Ron doesn't forgive as easily as Harry. Harry has too big of a heart not to. BSH might not be that forgiving Hough now that be met him.)

He could see different possibilities of them getting together, although huge alterations to personality or at least a different circumstance would have to result for it to happen. But his best mate and mortal enemy getting together is not something you admit to shipping a little. That would be as bad as admitting thinking it's possible for Hermione and Draco to be in a relationship. (Huge alterations to personality and different circumstance of course needed first.)

Hot Draco rolled his eyes at BSH, half-amused and half-disgusted, and he gave a small light kiss back.

"So...do you guys just get off on my misery?" Ron asked half-jokingly and the two looked back at Ron with hate.

"A little." BSH said as Hot Draco simultaneously said, "Bugger off."

Ron sighed and remembered suddenly how much BSH didn't like him very much. He would need to prove to them that he wasn't a dick.

"Why did you wrap the blanket around yourself like that?" Hot Draco asked.

"Harry did it. REAL Harry that is." Ron bitterly replied, remembering that they were just apart of an elaborate prank some dickwad was pulling on him and he didn't need to be nice or prove anything. There was no reason to be nice or anything to them.

Hot Draco raised his eyebrow. "Wow. All I did was ask a question. And he is a dick to me? Tsk. I should have realized he would be a prick."

"He still believes he isn't mental." BSH remarked with a smile and Ron scoffed. This was starting to get really annoying.

"Ok. So, uh, not to be rude or anything but why are you here?" Ron asked him.

"I'm delivering a letter to you. My boyfriend wanted to join me on one of my letter runs." BSH pulled out two letters. "I have been hesitant to come back to this universe-because I hate you-but I figure that is all the more reason to come. You're so fun to mess with."

A million questions ran through Ron's mind. 'What other universes? Is he a post man of sorts? Who else does he deliver post to? Why is he doing it? Hell, why is he delivering Eres's letter to me? Why is so much thought being put into this prank? Who hates me THIS much?'

The question he asked our loud?

"Why is a blind person person delivering letters?" He mentally slapped himself. Maybe Hermione was right about him being insensitive.  
Hot Draco looked furiously at him while BSH looked offended.

"I'll have you know that my blindness doesn't do anything to hinder my job. There is brail lettering on the notes- I bet you didn't fucking notice- and I can hear incredibly well. I only have like three people to go to anyway, so it's not that hard. Oh let me guess- people like me are so dumb aren't we? You-" Hot Draco grabbed BSH hand and did a strange gesture on it. BSH nodded before glaring back at him. Ron felt guilty and just looked down. He deserved that. He really did.

BSH dug through his pocket and threw the paper at him. Ron picked it up and opened it. There actually was brail on it. Wow. Not even Fred and George went into that much detail for a prank.

The letter read: "Differences? Well, if I tried to speak to him, or send him a letter, he would never respond. Because you are a fourth wall breaker, I can contact you in anyway your universe sees fit. Those voices you keep hearing? They are people from my universe who dislike you. That Harry you saw? He's from another universe where you all exist. When I said you weren't the only version of you, I meant it. There are versions of everyone, everyplace and every situation you can think of across your multiverse. And you only belong to one of those worlds. I told you I'm here to help, and that's what I'm going to do.I don't appreciate you writing me off as a prank. Ask around, I'm not from your Universe. I don't go to Hogwarts. I'm not a witch. I'm not a magical Beast either. I come from a place where magic doesn't exist. I'm lucky to even be able to talk to you right now. Don't be so quick to assume things, as a fourth wall breaker you're going to be able to see and hear a lot of things that nobody else will. You're not getting rid of me anytime soon."  Ron nervously laughed at the letter. 

Ron was not sure what to think. I mean....well....he can't be....that's crazy. None of it made sense to him. Ron ran his hand through his hair and tried to calm his breathing. 

"He STILL doesn't understand this?"

"What a nutter." 

"What an idiot."

"Look at him! He can't even breathe normally!"

"Can he decide already? Is it a prank? Is it real? Make up your damn bloody mind Ronald!" 

Ron grimanced. He was kind of curious when the whispers would appear, but he really wished that they would have left him alone. His hand shook as he grabbed a quill and wrote something on the bottom. "I don't understand this at all." It wasn't much, nor did it say anything of substance, but that was all he could write. His mind was going a hundred miles a minute and he could currently focus on anything. 

BSH harshly grabbed the paper and Hot Draco's hand-and like that, they were gone. Ron sighed. What was happening to him? 

Out of no where, Seamus and Dean rushed into the room and started talking excitedly at the same time to Ron. "I can't understand a word you're saying!" Ron said, surprised at how high-pitched and tired his voice sounded. "Harry punched Malfoy in the middle of Potions!" They both shouted. Ron blinked at them. Ron knew he was/is half of Harry's impulse control but the other half, Hermione, was in that class too. Draco was a git but Harry punching seemed out of character to him. That's mostly because he just seen the two being disgustingly sweet to each other like 30 seconds ago but Harry was usually very good at just ignoring him. A Neville barged into the room with a stack of books, parchment, and a small plate of food. It seemed like a balancing act to hold all of it at the same time. 

"HARRYPUNCHEDMALFOYINTHEFACEHOLYSHITIWASRIGHTNEXTTOHIM." Neville frantically yelled to him. 

"What happened?" Ron asked, worried. "Harry fucking snapped." Seamus replied, still amazed by the whole thing. 

"Ok so, Snape stepped out of the room to give something to Professor Lupin, and Draco was all like, 'Weasle not here today Potter?' And he didn't say anything and was trying to ignore him like always. Then Malfoy said-" Neville got interrupted by Seamus. 

"He said, 'Weasle must be lost. His family after all can't comprehend simple things like directions.' Harry is ignoring him. Hermione looks mad which is weird since you don't hang out anymore." Seamus gestured very animatedly as he spoke, clearly enjoying every word he said. Wait, since when did they not hang out? Ron's memory was bad but it wasn't that bad. What else had he forgotten? 

Dean interupted his thoughts. "Then he said, 'Or maybe Weasle is looking around the school to look for a replacement for that shitty rat. Something as diseased as he is.' Harry doesn't say anything." Dean told him, as Neville put the books, parchment, and plate of food on the desk beside his bed. Replace? Wait- 

"Draco then goes on to say, 'Maybe that nutter is flipping out in the bathroom.' That gets Harry's attention. He turns around but he doesn't do anything yet." Seamus said. Ron's race paled. 

"Draco was then like, 'He mumbles to himself, stares off in space, and was having a panic attack in front of the dining hall earlier.' Harry was pissed and said you weren't. Then Draco-" Dean said. Draco Malfoy fucking noticed? Ron thought he was so careful about hiding all of that! 

"He says, ' He probably freaked out because of the how much food there was. I mean, there is more food here in a day then there is in 15 years at his house.' Harry was shaking so hard it knocked over a vial on out table." Neville interrupted Dean. Oh, Ron could see where this was going.

"Then Draco said, 'Maybe he's trying to lose some of that weight he gained. I mean he must weigh like 500, he is so heavy.' " Seamus said speaking faster because he didn't want to be interrupted. Ron started to feel a bit sick. 

"Then Draco was all like, 'Perhaps he is making himself throw up or something to gain some attention that he never gets from home.' Hermione shot up out of her seat and told Draco, 'Shut up you ableist prick.' Harry looked LIVID. I have never seen anyone that mad before." Dean dragged out the word livid to make it sound longer. Yep. Ron knew where this was going. 

"Harry was all like, 'You take that back.' And Draco laughed in his face and continued to talk about you. He said, ' Ron is such an attention seeker. You know, I hope he doesn't even lose weight either. I hope it just makes him sick. Hopefully, that fat ass continues doing it too, and does everyone a favor by killing hims-' Bam! And that's when Harry-shy and too pure for this world-Harry punched him in the face." Seamus looked baffled at why Harry would snap. As proud as Ron was, he was really worried about the consequences. I mean, it was in Potions. He might be a Gryffindor, but he's not dumb enough not to worry about the possibility of injury and the possiblity of being expelled. Both big deals to him, probably the injury one more so. I mean really Hermione, sort out your priorities. 

"Did....did he break anything?" Ron asked, wondering if he needed to fix up a cut or just to take him to Madame Pomphry for a broken bone. 

"Harry broke a finger and broke Draco's nose." Neville replied unsure of who Ron was asking about. Merlin's beard! That was one hell of a punch! Ron was kinda sad that he missed that. 

"Draco was crying on the floor. Harry must have been in pain too because he started crying as well." Dean added. 

Suddenly, his thoughts started to race again. "You hurt him." God damn it! Not now! 

"I think the everyone thinks you two are dating now because Harry was talking about how amazing you are, how beautiful you are, etc. in between sobs." Neville added with a small grin, that Ron often saw when Harry and him were referred to as a couple or anytime they have a moment. There was a strange feeling in his stomach when he heard that. He didn't know if it was the thought of dating Harry that made his stomach flip or the fact he had more people gossiping about him. Is this what Harry feels like? 

"Ron's such a fag." 

"God, what a fucking fairy." 

Shut up. 

"Harry is so kind to you and you are so horrible back. You are too selfish and insensitive to be his friend." 

"We had to pull him back because I swear he was trying to kill him. Even Hermione was flipping out, which was just as terrifying." Dean said. Ron felt nauseated. 

"Terrible friend." 

Ron wasn't.....was he? 

"You are just comic relief to him."

Oh God, he can't be?

"He doesn't care for you." 

No. 

"He likes Hermione more." 

Stop! 

"You made him feel bad." What the bloody hell do they want from him?! Does he like Ron and he's a terrible friend? Does he actually hate Ron? What is he suppose to take from this?! 

"It's your fault." Shut up! 

"Snape came in and took 100 points of Gryffindor. Harry is in detention for a month. I think he's talking to Dumbledore right now. It was so crazy. An-" Seamus was interrupted by Neville.

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking at him with a really worried expression. He realized the other two were now giving him the same concerned face. Ron hated that everyone kept giving him that look.

Before he could even say anything, Ron rushed to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before he started vomiting. It felt like his throat was on fire and being scratched on the inside of his throat with sandpaper. Tears came out of his eyes and before he could stop it, he was sobbing as well. He could not stop either and he felt so vulnerable and broken. The worst part of that was that he didn't even know why.

"He didn't react this bad to other things that happened to him!"

"What a bloody narcissist." 

"Does he feel any empathy at all?"

"Arrogant piece of shit." 

Ron held his hands over his ears. God, will they ever shut the hell up?! There was banging on the door. Somebody calling his name. Asking if he's okay or need to Madame Pomphry.

"Y-yeah. I'm fi-fine. J-just s-sick." That was the biggest understatement of the century. "I'll b-be fine." 

The voices continued to taunt him, and Ron tried to calm himself down before Harry came back. He didn't want him to deal with another one of Ron's panic attacks. Ron wiped his mouth and sat straight up next to the toilet. "Ok. Ron. Bre- breathe. 4....7.......8........ok. 4....7.......8........ok." He felt a bit calmer but he still felt really sick. So he sat there repeating the same words over and over again as he tried to calm his shaking body and nausea. He didn't know how long he was like this, but he still didn't feel any better after some time passed. The whispers at least went incoherant and quiet just a minute ago. 

There was a small knock at the door. "Ron? Hey, I got back from the infirmary. I'm okay. The guys just came to get me and said that you were in here for a while after telling you what happened. Can I come in?" Harry softly asked. 

"Ye-" Ron interrupted himself by his own coughing. Harry opened the door and Ron looked down. God, he must look awful.

Harry slowly crouched down next to him. "Did you have another panic attack?" Ron nodded, not trusting himself to talk. Heat spread to his cheeks and ears as he thought about it more and more. Why was he so emotional lately? He seemed to cry at the drop of a hat and freak out over the smallest things.

"Did you make yourself sick?" Harry asked a lot more slowly. Ron nodded again, looking down at the floor. It was his fault he freaked out that much over the whispers. It's been a stressful few weeks but he was just being overdramatic like usual. If anyone had a reason to be having a panic attack, it should be Harry. Harry had a murderer coming after him and Ron had nothing to even freak out about in comparison.

"Hey Ron?" Ron looked back up at him. "Seamus went to get you something cold to drink, Dean went to get you something lighter to eat, and Neville's getting those books from Hermione. I didn't tell him anything. He just knows the code word Hermione and I made whenever we talked about it in public." He paused before continuing. "Uh, b-but if you wanted to talk to him about it, I'm sure he'd be helpful. Or y-you know anyone of your friends. We...we can help. You don't have to deal with this alone." Ron felt a knot grow in his throat. " 'm sorry." Ron surprised himself by speaking. It sounded weak and way too rough.

"Ron's a pussy." Oh great. These assholes came back.

Harry looked heartbroken as he calmly replied, "Don't be. Why are you apologizing?" "Ruined your day. You had that fight. Had to deal with my...my whining." Ron closed his eyes.

"You aren't being whiny, you didn't ruin my day, and that fight was all on me. Or better yet, it's Draco's fault for being an........ableist prick as Hermione called him. I don't know what it means, but i like that word. Ableist." Harry grinned to himself before his face went serious again. "Ron? It's going t-to be okay. You will be okay." Ron didn't say anything. "Can I touch you?" Harry asked hesitantly. Ron nodded. God, he felt tired. Harry held his hand and gently massaged it. It felt really nice. "If we were able to face down Vol- You Know Who twice and a big basilisk, we can do this." Ron wasn't sure about that but he gave him a weak smile. Harry gently gave him back his hand before standing up.

"Would you like some help getting up? You can brush your teeth and then we can...try to figure out what to do next." Ron nodded and Harry helped him off the ground. He felt considerably less sick and anxious than earlier so he didn't think he would throw up again. Ron wordlessly went to the sink and washed his hands. (They were just touching the floor.)

After that he grabbed his toothbrush. Ron was still clueless about what was happening to him but he felt confident in his knowledge that Harry would help him. He wasn't going to open up about everything get but at least Harry was there beside him. At least Harry is in his life. 

"Until he leaves you for someone." 

Huh. That's weird. That whisper wasn't taunting or being mean. It sounded angry. It sounded angry at......Harry. Ron shaked his head. It has been a long day.


	11. Author Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm being angsty and new Tumblr announcement.

Hey um. Wow. The last chapter was a fucking diaster that took like 4 days, 2 all nighters, to write. I planned it for months as well. Last chapter was supposed to be very important, story-wise and it got fucked there. The format went to shit. Nobody commented to tell me it was shit.  
I have two very different plots in my head but both with the same purpose. One of them being a adventure drama and the other being a psychological horror. But I'm scared I might either stigmatize a mental illness or get off track from the original purpose. Plus my Maladaptive daydreaming is making up all these amazing ideas, but won't let me settle on just one or even just start writing one. My parents think I'm being very annoying recently because my running around/interpretive dance in the kitchen sounds like a galloping horse. I mean, they always did that. It's just worse now with this new account. My brain can't focus somedays and other days won't stop hyper fixating. I can only write it seems during some emotional high. And all my thoughts turn to shit once its written or drawn down on paper. It sucks too because they are so amazing guys, and I want to share it.

Anyway, sorry, I'm being dumb. It's more than a fanfiction to me guys. It's everything to me. I wrote it better on my other fic, but it means the world to me. I just want it to be good, you know?

Anyway, uh, I have a Tumblr for this now. I'll put up a link when my brain functions better. I'll be back in the morning.

https://myversionofharrypotter.tumblr.com


	12. Semi-decent Evening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ron and Hermione try to get through a meal and BSH annoys him. 
> 
>  
> 
> (Warnings: Panic attacks, eating disorders, BSH is an arse, biphobia comments, selfhatred.)

"Weasley!" Ron looked up from the plate and looked in front of him. He knew logically that it was Hermione who was sitting there, pretending to read a book while Ron tried to choke down the food left on their shared plate, but all he could see was BSH sitting crisscross in front of him. He has been trying to annoy him a lot recently, even when he didn't have a letter or anything to deliver. 

"Did you find out why you two were fighting yet?" He asked joyfully while flapping his arms. It was odd, cause it reminded him of Harry when he asked for Ron's opinion on a song he was writing the other day. (Ron is now certain he has a stalker.)

"Hermione did something REALLY bad~" Ron rolled his eyes. Hermione was talking to him again. A day after the amazing Draco punch Harry did, Hermione ran up to him in the hall. Ron was sure she was gonna punch him but then she pulled him into a hug and started crying. She said how sorry she was and how she would try to be a better friend to him in the future. Ron patted her on the head cause he didn't know what to say to that. Ron was usually good with cheering up people but he really had no context to work off of here. He has no idea why they were fighting still and Hermione hasn't brought up the fight after the apology. He doesn't particularly care anyway. She was clearly distressed and ashamed of whatever she did. No need to push someone while they're down. 

BSH looked bored from his lack of a response before moving over to Neville's bed. Suddenly, Hermione appeared again in the spot BSH was in. 

"With treatment, 60% of eating disorder sufferers make a full recovery. That's good, right?" Hermione had a smile on her face but her voice was a bit shaky. 

Ron nodded and put some chicken in his mouth. For a while it sat in his mouth, he was unable to find the willingness to chew it. He was about to just spit it out, but the look Hermione was trying to suppress made him feel guilty. He carefully chewed it before he allowed himself to finally swallow. He shuddered but he figured this was improved from before. 

Hermione and Harry have been incredibly understanding and supportive of him in the past two weeks. They weren't always sure HOW to exactly deal with it but they've been trying. They mentioned him going to see Madam Pomphry, but thankfully they never forced him to go. 

"I learned my lesson," Hermione answered vaguely when he questioned why she, knowing how much it was bothering her that he wasn't getting professional help just yet, wasn't going against his wishes and getting Madam Pomphry involved. (He knew he would need proper treatment soon, but he was still struggling with the idea that HE, a member of a loving family and mostly carefree childhood, would have something mentally wrong with him. Also if he was.....somewhat better, that's less money right? He would be able to recover quickly and not be validated in the belief he is a complete waste of resources and time on his family. And how in Merlin's left turn, would he ever be abke to explain this shite to his parents?) He had no idea what that meant but he didn't question it. He was just glad she wasn't gonna tattle. 

Hermione tried to hide her grin but ultimately failed. She looked so proud."Pathetic!"BSH cupped his hands and yelled. Ron just looked back down at his plate. 

"Why can't you choose between girls and guys? I mean, you can't like both. You can't just keep thinking how smart and pretty Hermione is and how pretty and kind Harry is." 

Ron ignored that blatantly biphobic (Hermione once said that while defending Seamus the other day in front of a bunch of 6th year Gryffindors in the common room.) comment and put some more chicken in his mouth. It bothered him but he wasn't going to let it hurt him. Not when Hermione is looking at him like he was doing something amazing. 

"You aren't a polyamorous person. You don't want to date two people at once. You don't think it's fair to the other two since you get jealous easily and you believe in that soulmate shite." BSH commented while he started to slowly chew. "You know this already about yourself. Yet here I am, giving the readers exposition cause you're too pathetic to give it yourself. Too busy being a burden to Granger over here."

Ron didn't comment and swallowed his food. He put more chicken in his mouth and started to slowly chew. The less he thought, the more food he was a able to eat. Just focusing on the task at hand, was surprisingly helpful. He figured it would be 'triggering' or something.

"Normal people feel sexual attraction immediately. Do you think you're better than the rest of us cause you have to have a bond with them first?" BSH said bond in a mocking tone. He put more food in his mouth and started to carefully chew. 

Ron didn't think that. He personally thought something was wrong with him. He didn't get off during porn, he found the idea of sex pretty gross, and masturbation was pretty much out of the question for him. He didn't want to be creepy and jack off to the thought of his best friends doing lewd things. Ron was a bit of a hopeless romantic, so he was sure maybe he was just being a bit picky when it came to who he wanted to be... intimate with. He was-seriously don't laugh-waiting until he was married. Maybe that made him a prude but he wanted it to be special. He wanted it to mean something. Wanting sex and engaging in it were two different things, so he wasn't sure why he never wanted it. Ron had thoughts of kissing Lavender and holding hands with Dean, but he found it gross to think of them in any other way. It was only Harry and Hermione that made him feel...aroused? He hates it. He doesn't want the pure thoughts he had of Harry and Hermione to become tainted with over-exagerated erotic fantasies. If they knew, they'd hate him. It's not normal or okay, at least Ron thought it was, to feel that way towards his friends. It was wrong. 

He swallowed and paused to notice that he ate most of the food. He smiled proudly to himself and looked up to see... Hermione was looking at him strangely. 

"Did you just say....what I thought you said?" Hermione asked, concern etched in her eyes. Ron felt himself freeze. His ears and face felt warm as he tried to figure out what she heard. 

"Ron, we're your best friends. You know we'd never think differently of you for....whatever you just mumbled about." Ron sighed in relief that she didn't hear most of that but realized he needed to make something up. You never tell a girl (or guy) you like them because it makes you look like an idiot. 

"Yes they will. They'll abandon you." Oh great. The whispers are back. Yay. Fun. 

It was the weird whisper he heard too. The one from the last chapter. I mean, from a few weeks ago. Seriously, where the hell are these Fanfiction references coming from?

"Ron, what's wrong?" Hermione asked gently. Ron had no idea what to say. He glanced at BSH and he gave him a shit eating grin. 

Ron just looked back to his plate. He put a piece of chicken in his mouth and started to slowly chew. He swallowed and tried to figure out what to say. 

"Look, it's nothing. I... I'm just...not doing well recently." Ron avoided looking at Hermione directly. He wasn't necessarily lying but he did not want her to know about how he thought about them sometimes. 

Hermione nodded empathetically. "We don't think any different of you for having a eating disorder."

"Really? You seen to be acting different around me." Ron wasn't trying to start a fight or be a dick to a person who was being a good friend to him in a difficult time, (Does that annoy any one else or is that just Ron? Like sometimes he'd read a story where the person is being a arse to their therapist/hospital staff/support system and it annoyed him so much. He understands now how annoying that is to get pity looks a lot or be treated like broken glass, but that still doesn't excuse being an asshole. Plus it makes the sympathetic main character look really annoying. This is why people sometimes abandon you if they know how troubled you are. They read and heard too many stories of being emotional berated and treated like dirt by mentally ill people, particularly those with mood or personality disorders. Emotions are valid and you have the right to feel angry about the situation, but try to avoid being a prat when your loved ones are not even patronizing you for your mental health issues. Ron doesn't know what he's talking about though and maybe he's being ableist- Hermione knows a lot of fun words- but constantly reading a character do nothing but angst and yell in caps lock is annoying to read. It may be realistic (?) but it's not fun. Maybe it provides drama but it's not fun. Ron knows maybe he's being unfair cause he doesn't know everyone's situation, but it's just something he noticed in a lot of the books he read.) but he did notice Hermione bit her tongue a lot around him. She reframes from telling him stuff now. 

Hermione looked ashamed at herself before saying, "You made me realize I'm not as nice of a person as I thought I was, and I want to be a better person."

"What are you talking about?" Ron was genuinely confused. Hermione had moments of being a bit rude but she was always a good person. 

"I grew up bullied a lot, you know? For being, well, me. My parents kept telling me I was going to be this amazing scholar one day while all the kids who picked on me will end up as drug addicts. The idea that I was smarter and more mature than them made me feel powerful. I thought I was perfect and when I came here I felt....entitled to be your's and Harry's friend? I felt entitled to good grades, whether I deserved them or not. I felt like I was more important. I thought...." Hermione trailed off. 

"You thought you were the protagonist?" Ron said, trying to finish her sentence. He never knew this about her. 

"Yeah! Like everything should just be given to me on a silver platter. And.....after our fight I realized....how immature and mean I was. I didn't know how to react to this and I was too stressed with all my classes that I didn't apologize immediately after. Then, Lavender's bunny died and I made quite a bitch of myself. It's pathetic when Harry- bad at social cues- Potter got the hint before I did. Everyone....they started ignoring me after that and I do not blame them. I tried to talk to you about it but you were ignoring me too." Ron didn't say that he had no idea they were fighting. 

"I noticed you've been...troubled and I hated how I couldn't help you. I tried to defend you when. Draco was saying that stuff about you, even risking detentions with Harry for the rest of the month like he's doing right now, but.....you made me realize how bad I've treated you- don't deny it, I have been terrible to you. The way I belittle you all the time and how much we fight....it WASN'T healthy. I want to be a better friend before I do something I regret." Ron blinked.

"Mione, I'm sure that you-" Hermione interupted. 

"If I were to hit Harry, would you and Harry tell on me?" Ron had no answer to that. "If I hit you, would you and Harry tell on me?"

Silence filled the room. Well, BSH was singing "Chandelier" by Sia at the top of his lungs but he doesn't count. 

"No." Ron finally admitted, slightly ashamed of the fact that she was right. 

"I'm going to get better. I don't care what pride I have to swallow down to do it but...if not for myself than for our friendship." She paused before continuing, "So, um, anyway I read this book about this kid who found out he was a wizard. It was a good book, a little inaccurate, but the movies sucked because it ruined my favorite character, Samuel Wazlib..." 

Ron put some more food in his mouth and started to chew slowly. Right as Hermione was telling him about how Samuel and Dylan made more sense then the more popular ship of Dylan and Neils, ("Fan girls only like Neils cause Tom Felton is hot!") He heard BSH ask, "Are you, Hermione, and other me gonna bang when he gets back from his detention?"

This startled Ron and he started to choke a bit on his food. Fear flooded him as he frantically started to cough the food back up. He knew that it was only a second and he already spitted out the food he started choking on, but his panicked mind made him feel like he was still choking. He knew he wasn't but the sensation felt so real.

"Ron?" Hermione asked, concerned. 

Dead versions of himself filled his mind. He was never dying alone but nobody around him was trying to get him help. Nobody cared that he died. He coughed some more but the sensation would no leave. Suddenly, he found he couldn't breathe and started panicking more.

Hermione was closer to him now and was mouthing words, but Ron couldn't hear her over the loud thumping going on in his ears. 

"Cantbreathe-" Ron was able to get out before he forced himself to cough some more. Hermione looked scared but said something reassuring to him that he could not hear.

BSH raised an eyebrow. He looked alarmed and a bit worried, but Ron knew he'd never admit it. 

"You're having a panic attack you dumbass! Calm the fuck down!" When that obviously didn't work, BSH sighed before calmly walking over to him. "Do you have medication?" Ron was suprised by the gentleness in his tone. Ron shaked his head and put his face in his hands. "Ok. Do you need to go to Madam Pomphry?" He shaked his head again. "Ok. Breathe with me." He took an exaggerates deep breath and let it out. He followed him and started to feel better. "Yeah. Like that."

"You're such a special snowflake. I was joking." BSH mumbled as he knelt down beside his bed and grabbed his hand. He started to massage it and started to whisper insults at him. Ron felt his ASMR kick in and the panic melt away from him. 

"Ron!" He snapped his attention to Hermione staring at him. Warmth spread to his cheeks. 

"Hey, what's up?" His voice cracked on 'Hey' and his smile was shaky, but he felt like it was casual enough. 

"R-ron? What happened?" Hermione asked, fear in her voice. 

"Um....it was a panic attack. I started to choke and...I'm s-" Hermione waved his apology off. 

"No need to apologise. You didn't do anything wrong. Do...do you think you can eat anymore?" Hermione hesitantly asked. Ron shaked his head, which disappointed himself because he liked the chicken and got really far today. 

"Recovery takes time, Ron. It won't be automatic. Sometimes you will slip up and go back to bad habits. This is a natural part of the process. You should be proud of the progress you made already." Hermione said affectionately, as if she had read his mind. 

"Thanks." 

There was a moment of silence before Hermione cleared her voice to ask, "So.....do you want me to make you one of those smoothies?" Ron made a face. "I know you don't like them but they're really healthy for you."

Ron sighed and told her to go ahead. She grabbed the plate and took off from the room. 

This was when he realized BSH was still holding his hand. "So......uh...I thought you hated me?" Ron asked, confused to the Slytherin's out of character kindness. 

A blush appeared on his face before he dropped his hand. "My Ron has a panic disorder. It...it gets bad." BSH replied as nonchalantly as possible. 

"But you hate me?" Ron said, still confused. 

"I hate all Rons. It's not just you, you narcissist." BSH go off the floor and sat back on his bed. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "As much as I hate you, I can't....can't just...." His face became darker and be cleared his throat. 

"Anyway! I only came back because I left my cane the last time I was here. So I'll just get and leave!" He jumped up and grabbed the cane that was gently tucked under Ron's bed. 

Ron was about to say something to him but he vanished before he could say anything. Ron blinked and sighed. He reached down under his bed and grabbed his sketchpad. He flipped to an open page and picked up the muggle pencil Harry got him for his birthday. He felt really conflicted on what exactly to draw but needed to get his feelings down. Before he knew it he drew a pair of sunglasses and a cocky smile by the time Hermione came back with his nasty ass smoothie. Harry came a few seconds later and a shit ton of complaints about how Snape is a dick. He closed the sketchpad and put it back under the bed as he greeted his two friends. 

"Ron is really codependent guys."

"Look at him. He's so desperate."

"What a loser."

Ron sighed. Damn, he thought his evening was going to be semi-decent but he guessed wrong.


End file.
